She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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