Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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