No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
