He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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