I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
