I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
