I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
