Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Randomize
