it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
