fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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