I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
