i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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