We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
