There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
