You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
