I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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