Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
