Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
