She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
