She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
