the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
