Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
