We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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