You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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