I'm gonna have a badass scar
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
