We won't sleep together?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it fun? or sober?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
