im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
