i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
