He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
