she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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