I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
