dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
