I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
