I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
