matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
