I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
