I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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