Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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