No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
