I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
