Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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