but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
