Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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