My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
