Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
