Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
