Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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