This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They took my balls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
