i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
