There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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