The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
